I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
