Your face is a jimmy john
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize