how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
