She announced her abortion via fbk
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
