I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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