i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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