You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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