i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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