I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
