Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
