My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize