Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
