Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Randomize
