just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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