It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
being pregnant is like rehab
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
