I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
