EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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