This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This baby is an asshole
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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