Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
