I am puke
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
