So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
