Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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