woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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