I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
