Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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