My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
