I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
