i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
