I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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