I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This baby is an asshole
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
