Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
tell me about the eggs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
