Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
