You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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