What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
