I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
