Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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