And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
