I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
