Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
