if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
