Betty ford says i'm here all night
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize