i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
