my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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