sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
