we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
