Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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