Define "chronic" masturbator.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
