i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
