he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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