I'm so fucking centered right now
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
