Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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