dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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