Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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