So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
