You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
