Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
