I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
