Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
