Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
