I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
