I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
