What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
